I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
