omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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