Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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