Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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