Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i would punch a child for taco bell
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
