Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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