Are we in a gay sports bar?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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