omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think your dad took our porno
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
