I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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