she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
