You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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