I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
