She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
