Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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