I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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