$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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