ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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