I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
