Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
