walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
