Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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