yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
