i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
