i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
