if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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