Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
