i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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