You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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