Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
