At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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