i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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