in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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