dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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