twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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