Got a toothbrush?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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