I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How many fucks given?
0.12846
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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