he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
