this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
