You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
