make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
