Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
