and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
