I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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