Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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