dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
