Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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