I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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