there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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