Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
