it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
