I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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