just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
