She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
