i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
