this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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