Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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