why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
