I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
