Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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