He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
