yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize