You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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