Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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