My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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