Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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