I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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