he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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