Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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