ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
