im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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