I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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