We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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