We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
