OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
