so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
