is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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