help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
