I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
