3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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