Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
