Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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