all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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