i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
