I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
