oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
