just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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